carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
This is my gift to your gina
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
