she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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