just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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