it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
