My room smells like vodka and shame
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
