She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
