y did u give ur computer a hand job?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
