this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
