Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
