he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
