you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
