Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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