i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
