Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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