party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
