The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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