So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
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