I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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