I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
