I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
