I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
