Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
