A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
