i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
