Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
