farters have to be the big spoon...
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
