I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
