Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
