apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
