meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
