wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
