The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
