ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
