I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
As shirtless as possible
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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