Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
