The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Houston, we have a squirter
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
