eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
