i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
well you can't waste a boner
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We left the knife in your bed.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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