The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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