i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
