apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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