my room smells like sperm. sweet.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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