i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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