every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
