I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
