I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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