This dress was meant to end up on your floor
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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