That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
