i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
My life is pants optional.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
