im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
