Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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