Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I need help removing her.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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